Tax Jokes

If there is a silver linking to paying your taxes, tax jokes have to be it. Oh, I realize our tax dollars go to schools and such, but I can’t help but notice most politicians are driving around in very nice cars. Well, I’ll avoid a rant and just get to the tax jokes.

IRS and state tax relief comes down to knowing how to play the game to get the result you need. If you play the game on your own, you are going to get crushed. Get help and get your tax bill reduced.

“Today is April 1, April Fools’ Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don’t confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.”

– Jay Leno

“Regis Philbin’s back in primetime, hosting 11 new episodes of ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.’ But because of Obama’s tax plan, it’s been re-titled ‘Who Wants To Win Just Under $250,000.'”tax jokes

- Jimmy Fallon

“Because of a holiday, the deadline for taxes is April 18, so you have three extra days to dig through restaurant dumpsters for receipts.”

– Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s fitting that April 14 is National Pecan Day because today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we pay our taxes to support them.”

- Craig Ferguson

“The IRS says it’s been getting death threats since the health care bill passed because the IRS is going to be the ones in charge of implementing it. They say the threats people are making to the IRS are so bad, that they are actually hindering the IRS’s ability to threaten people.”

– Jay Leno

“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”

– Jimmy Kimmel

“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”

- Craig Ferguson

“Vice President Dick Cheney’s getting a tax refund of $1.9 million. How do you get a $1.9 million refund when your salary is $205,000 a year? How does that work? … Apparently, he’s writing off the guns and ammo as business expenses.”

- Jay Leno

“The IRS now says you can deduct weight loss plans off your taxes. You can write it off because the government has officially declared obesity a disease. And it’s a disease, you can deduct medical expenses. That shows what a difference an administration can make. See under Bush, obesity is a disease. Under Clinton it was just sexy.”

— Jay Leno

“Two things you need to know about taxes. They’ve extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it out to China.”

– David Letterman

Now don’t you feel better?

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